In my 35+ years as a psychologist, I have found that the men I see have certain commonly-occurring problems that have led to the need for marriage counseling:
Put in the positive, the more secure and mature of us don’t need to control anyone else but can lead well, know what we believe and who we are, have worked through our family of origin issues (makes us more secure and less reactive), are able to communicate our deeper thoughts, feelings and needs, don’t get sucked into affairs or habits that threaten our relationships (know and keep boundaries) , are able to balance work and personal life and stress and, ideally, have a servant’s heart (it’s not all about me).
The truth is that when a man commits to do whatever is necessary to change- and follows up on that commitment- recovery is possible. A man must work to change for himself first- to be the man HE really wants to be. The good news is that when he does that, oftentimes everything else (marriage and family) falls into place!
For most men, working on their issues doesn’t just help them with problem behaviors. As they continue to work, they move well beyond the problems they came in to address, and into learning much more than they ever imagined about being healthy persons. They often become the leaders their wives and children always needed them to be.